My Biggest Insecurity and How I Overcame It
I’ve recently learned how to have a sense of humor about myself. I think the ability to make fun of yourself is a spiritual practice, one that requires a ton of vulnerability. Over the years, little by little, I’ve been removing layer after layer of me… my goal is to eventually reach a core that is so open, so honest… so authentic.
See, in the past I’ve always had an issue with making fun of myself. Perhaps it was because I was afraid to show the world my imperfections. I believe that came across in my writing, my blog, my Youtube channel.
I remember sitting in my NYC living room last year, across from my roommate, after my videographer just left from shooting a segment of The Ayelet Show, and I had a fire burning inside my heart. I felt like something was missing.
Even though I was receiving plenty of awesome feedback from readers and viewers, I still didn’t feel like I connected to them on a deep level. I felt that there was something about my message that wasn’t being communicated effectively. I was hiding something. I wasn’t being my most authentic self.
My roommate just looked at me and said, “Maybe you’re trying too hard.” In that moment I resisted her message. I thought, “of course I’m trying hard! I want nothing more than to get my message across.” But what I realized is that she meant something that I wasn’t ready to hear, let alone understand at the time.
In my last article I wrote about my streak of serial dating narcissists and how I broke free. My roommate’s words really hit me the moment I walked away from my last and final narcissistic relationship. It’s when I stopped trying to impress people that I began to overcome my biggest insecurity. I realized that it would require me to become un-perfect, yet paradoxically recognize that I’m perfect as I am.
So without further hesitation, I want to express how I overcame my insecurity and what I learned about myself in the process.
- In order to overcome this huge insecurity and allow myself to make fun of myself, I had to stop caring about what other people thought of me.
How could I stop caring about what other’s thought of me when we live in a world surrounded by others, and our biggest fear is not feeling accepted and validated? It was time for me to look in and figure out a solution!
What I found was that I needed to stop looking to others for validation. I needed to stop turning to relationships for “fixing.” I needed to self-validate first and “fix” myself before I could even entertain the idea of being authentic or entering into an honest relationship.
I read this quote by Tyler Knott Gregson, and it really hit home.
she whispered soft
like it may
with anything stronger
than a breath,
“for fixing me.”
I sputtered out
like the first sound
2. After some soul searching and internal digging, I decided that in order to stop caring about what others thought of me, I’d have to go into the world and take intense action in the opposite direction of what I was used to. I decided to go out in public and do things that I normally felt I was being judged for.
Even the tiniest little things began to make a difference. For example, walking out of the house without an ounce of makeup on, or going out with my hair in a sloppy bun. Little by little I began to expand my comfort level and do more and more things that I had never done before. I eventually became comfortable with making fun of myself. This was my goal all along. I realized that in order to make fun of myself, I had to truly love myself, because I was my biggest critic.
3. What did I learned about myself in the process?
I realized that by trying to hide my imperfections, I was actually getting the opposite response from the one I was trying to receive. See, when we only show the world the parts of us that are perfect; perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect personality, perfect career, it ironically turns out that people respect us less. The truth is, everyone has this same exact insecurity, a fear of being seen for who we really are, and the more you’re able to show others that you’re human just like them, the quicker it is for them to warm up to you. Nobody wants to be around someone who is Barbie Doll perfection 24/7. I’m sure you know someone who acts like they never have the ability to mess up. The truth is, these people hurt more than those who can openly accept and admit when they mess up.
The ultimate lesson is, and I take it with me everywhere I go: learn to laugh at yourself. Be okay with messing up. Don’t be afraid to hide who you really are. Be completely authentic with yourself and with others. And most importantly, learn to love the imperfections, because that’s what makes you perfect.
Ayelet Shimron is a practicing Life Coach, Motivational Speaker, author of the book “Goddess Guide to Get the Guy” and creator of The Ayelet Show. She hosts workshops in NYC and service project retreats where she inspires women and children on a variety of topics, all aimed towards experiencing massive shifts in self confidence, self worth and self love.
She recently returned from Sri Lanka, India, Mexico, Israel, France and Peru, where she hosted her inspirational workshops and projects.
One of the things Ayelet loves most about social media, is its ability to connect her with her viewers. She makes it her responsibility to respond to each and every comment. To connect with Ayelet directly, go to facebook.com/Ayelet.Shimron, youtube.com/ayeletshimron, instagram.com/ayeletshimron.